September 15, 2008

Ironic Beauty

The air is humid, and I’m sweating profusely as the warm air hints of rain. A cat stealthily undulating on the branch of our santol tree across my window pane, recently trimmed to accommodate more sunshine. The afternoon sun is out, yet the sky is ashen gray and the clouds spread too thinly, like an inarticulate watered-down stroke of watercolor made by pre-schooler. My consciousness swimming in the heat and the sweat, as the heat of the sun bounces off the concrete. I have abandoned flirting with happiness and all it’s promises. I turn to beauty and irony, the irony of beauty. Beauty is subject to the experience and totality of it’s beholder. That is my definition, and cannot help but see beauty in melancholy, beauty in the otherwise mundane and inexplicable suffering. I see beauty because I’m alive!

Despite the years of defeaning silence, the horrors of violence, the mangled bodies and the blood and the gore, staring death through the barrel of a rifle, a child’s last breath and a mother’s incomprehensible overflowing. Horrors I dared not speak nor utter a syllable, instead grounded them down to their simplest constitution(wordless and pure), my most basic truths to fill-in my blanks and spaces suspended between my two eternities.

When I was younger, I happened upon a narrative, “Scarred people are beautiful.” Here it is:

MAN SPEAKS:

I’ve seen a number of movies lately, Lord,
like Romeo and Juliet.
The love of young people, at least in those movies
is beautiful……so simple… so total….so complicated.
They seem so natural, so free in their emotions,
so clear in their feelings.
I wish I could be like that, Lord, but it can’t be.
Why is it so?

I’ve been hurt, Lord.
I’ve trusted and been betrayed at times.
I’ve loved and received nothing in return.
I have tried hard to care and failed often.
I have shared my secrets and heard them whispered to others.
I have been warm and receive a cold shoulder.

I have been through it, Lord.
I’ve fallen on my face.
I’ve banged my shins.
I’ve been bruised.
Look, Lord, I’m all covered with scars!

THE LORD SPEAKS:

Maybe you haven’t understood enough; Maybe you haven’t learned
that human life is like that: All Saints are scarred.
Young love isn’t the highest form of human love. The greatest love
comes from scarred people.
I know that many people stop loving so that they won’t hurt again.
But those who do start over again, who continue inspite of
all, who leave themselves open to the possibility of being
hurt again – These people are able to love again
in a deeper way, a more understanding way, a richer way.

MAN’S RESPONSE:

I think I know what you mean, Lord, I’ve met people like that…
and knowing them gives me courage.
The great people are those who continue to love with their scars…
I like scarred people, Lord – They are beautiful..

Regardless of our ironies and insecurities and other ignorable facts of who we are as a people. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Filed under: Literary sheik, Personal Sheik, Political Sheik

46 Comments »

  1. myepinoy Says —

    We are indeed Beautiful creatures.

    Made on September 15, 2008 @ 11:37 am

  2. GODDESS Says —

    thank you… with all my heart.

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 2:45 am

  3. soulsheik Says —

    Likewise Goddess.

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 2:52 am

  4. soulsheik Says —

    >>myepinoy

    Wretchedly beautiful!

    Thanks for visiting.

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 2:56 am

  5. Atticus Says —

    ganon na ba tayo? we are almost like job?

    *lungkot*

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 4:25 am

  6. soulsheik Says —

    >>Atticus
    Huwag malungkot.. Handaan lang kita ng ice cream. Promise!

    Sometimes we have to be hopeful, and see past the obvious.

    Just like you. Reading your post You are very intelligent (obviously), past that I see indescribable beauty (wordless again), as it is not just intellect and wit draws me to your blog. It is that and much much more.

    Salamat sa pagbisita.
    Good day to you Attticus!

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 4:46 am

  7. joansyndrome Says —

    i chanced upon that narrative u got there before and it so lifted me up…just as i chanced upon this site too…
    take care!

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 8:02 am

  8. bw Says —

    Beautiful snippets of your thoughts. The guitar music in the background is beautiful too :)

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 11:33 am

  9. Panaderos Says —

    Beautiful message. Sometimes the decision not to love is a reflection of a phase a person goes through. It’s not out of fear but out of exhaustion, be it physical or emotional. But I do agree that love should always be given a chance. People should never stop loving for without it, we merely exist.

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 1:32 pm

  10. soulsheik Says —

    >>joansyndrome

    Nice handle, I like it!

    At this point in my life, and after all that I have come to realize, I believe there are no chances nor accidents, only purpose and meaning, and in my search for meaning (not easy as it is perfectly well hid except when….) that I find purpose, and in doing so found beauty where I thought there was none.

    I’m delighted of your serendipitous visit.

    Take good care

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 1:42 pm

  11. soulsheik Says —

    >>BW

    Enjoyed your posts (thoroughly) by the way, though it took me long to comment.

    My days seem longer these days, lumbering like a wounded beast wobbling with the usual pride and resignation.

    Life is difficult for your countrymen and it’s never easy on your end as well, I understand though inappreciable.

    God Bless.

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 2:05 pm

  12. soulsheik Says —

    >>Panaderos

    Great minds think alike, hahahaha. (my 2 cents attempt at humor)

    I’m still smiling from your recent post.

    Indeed we are struggling with the same questions. A phase? Maybe. Exhaustion? The wells of the heart cannot be dissipated nor incapacitated, nevertheless a veritably tiring affair.

    God Bless and take care.

    Made on September 16, 2008 @ 2:19 pm

  13. Sexy Mom Says —

    scarred
    immobilized
    tired
    miserable
    to the pits
    a gaping pain
    sad to the bone
    it’s not the end
    for no matter how long
    we get to rise
    and when we do
    it’s sweet victory
    scars they may be
    they’re beautiful to me

    Made on September 17, 2008 @ 2:05 am

  14. Sexy Mom Says —

    omg! i wasn’t aware, my comment is #13, and i am not comfortable with that number. a lot of circumstances around that number have happened in my life that have scarred me so much.

    btw, i am borrowing the above verses that i wrote and post them in my Poems from the Heart, ok?

    Made on September 17, 2008 @ 2:15 am

  15. soulsheik Says —

    >>Sexy Mom

    My scars left me … a dilapidated eccentricity, I have accounted and disemboweled the excruciations and glorious mortifications. I lamented at what I saw, as the emotions hidden there migrates … a present from the past.

    My scars are brought about my pursuit for happiness. Self-involved and gratuitous exercises had scarred the people around me. I never really valued what was there, ’twas a present then…my scars too are the scars that I gave.

    Thanks for visiting my post.

    God bless you and your family, Take care.

    Made on September 17, 2008 @ 7:09 am

  16. piapot Says —

    remind me about that ok? hahaha

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 12:07 am

  17. katcarneo Says —

    hey…this totally made my day, something that i really need right now. thanks for sharing.

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 8:52 am

  18. annamanila Says —

    Life is about daring to do things at the risk of failing, getting hurt and sustaining scars.

    And isn’t it true what someone said — the source of our most exquisite happiness is also the source of our most excruciating pains.

    Nakaka-inspire naman mag-comment ang background music mo! :)

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 9:43 am

  19. curacha Says —

    Nice post. I feel as if the Lord was speaking directly to me. The wounds inflicted in my heart was sewed together that stops it from opening again. But you are right, they are now scars…and they healed beautifully.

    Mind if i link you?

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 4:16 pm

  20. [splice] Says —

    Ah, life and the tapestry of our human experiences. Part of those include our encounters with all things so pure and so simple they stand beautiful and strike us deep enough to leave a little wound in our senses and sensibility. They remind us that we are mortals itching to make the most of one of the shortest trips in this world.

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 4:30 pm

  21. soulsheik Says —

    >>Piapot

    Glad you came!
    I’ve been swimming by your site, I mean, swinging by your blog. I’m still bemused by the “Tranquility and the river of tears.”

    It is for me, the gentleness of my mother’s heart and the delicate nature of a woman’s love.

    I wished I have a river so I can fill the ocean with me, But I’m conflicted and restricted as a boiling geyser.

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 6:21 pm

  22. soulsheik Says —

    >>Katcarneo

    I’m happy that it has made your day, as it had mine. The first time I read this was a time when I don’t have scars yet (Like a baby).

    Thanks for visiting.

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 6:42 pm

  23. soulsheik Says —

    >>Annamanila

    Welcome, I appreciate your visit.

    Yes, it’s true. Yet it my case it has not come to fruition yet.

    As I recall, I don’t deal with my wounds quite well, and the years have not tempered me as well as others.

    BTW, the background music is “Breathing below surface” by Jesse Cook.

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 7:17 pm

  24. soulsheik Says —

    >>Curacha

    I’ve been wondering how you were doing. It’s good to know that this post found you, and found you well.

    God speaks to us in myriads of ways. If we just care to listen.

    Yes you may link me. I hope you will be posting soon.

    Take it light and easy and take care.

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 7:43 pm

  25. soulsheik Says —

    >>Splice

    Hello there Splice.

    The tapestry of the human condition. Sometimes, mortality engages us to take a second look at the lives we wrought for ourselves. Teaches us to see in a different way.

    Made on September 18, 2008 @ 7:54 pm

  26. jeremiah Says —

    our imperfections make us human enough..God made us that way so we will always look up to Him..

    never has a masterpiece been above its Maker…

    Made on September 19, 2008 @ 2:09 am

  27. jeremiah Says —

    reminds me of my high school blog: Life is of Irony ;)

    Made on September 19, 2008 @ 2:10 am

  28. snglguy Says —

    “I know that many people stop loving so that they won’t hurt again. But those who do start over again, who continue inspite of
    all, who leave themselves open to the possibility of being hurt again ” - I guess the old adage “once burned, twice shy” applies to all but the bravest of souls… and I ain’t one of them.

    Made on September 19, 2008 @ 12:36 pm

  29. soulsheik Says —

    Jeremiah,

    Thanks for swinging by.

    “A beautiful thing is never perfect.”

    “This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfections.”
    -Saint Augustine

    Isn’t that ironic?

    Be well.

    Made on September 19, 2008 @ 1:00 pm

  30. soulsheik Says —

    >>Snglguy

    Hi there!

    “Once burned, twice shy” is true for the most of us.

    Bravest? It takes a brave person to admit that. A friend once said, “It depends upon the object of our affections.”

    Thanks for visiting.

    Made on September 19, 2008 @ 1:23 pm

  31. haze Says —

    Amen to that!
    Everyone is beautiful in their own way. No one is ugly. We are Imperfect, wounded but we stay as a whole and yet beautiful in the eyes of God !

    Made on September 19, 2008 @ 1:57 pm

  32. piapot Says —

    i read your comment on PM’s site and found out that you’ve read one of my poems… hahaha thanks for the comment about the river of tears thingy that i wrote! hahaha

    Made on September 19, 2008 @ 2:50 pm

  33. PM Says —

    i really don’t know why anybody invented the world ugly.

    Made on September 20, 2008 @ 2:37 am

  34. Atticus Says —

    ice cream? chocolate ice cream? pramis? sisingilin kita one of these days.

    Made on September 20, 2008 @ 5:13 am

  35. soulsheik Says —

    >>Haze

    I also hate the word ugly. That’s how I used to see myself then. With a little twist, I see my beauty in the eyes of my own fellow men, and their beauty through mine…

    Made on September 21, 2008 @ 4:38 am

  36. soulsheik Says —

    >>Piapot

    I had to mention it, as it was a compelling composition … so visceral and so simple that it cuts through the heart of the matter.

    Blog on.

    Made on September 21, 2008 @ 4:40 am

  37. soulsheik Says —

    >>PM

    I guess we invented it for the objects we don’t like. Then again it’s just a word, what matters is how the words connect to ourselves.

    How it connects to how we see ourselves, or how it connects to how we see the world.

    Made on September 21, 2008 @ 4:51 am

  38. soulsheik Says —

    >>Atticus

    If you proceed with your dream project (na simple lang), I’ll be there to support it. Kahit everyday pa yung ice cream. Chocolate, Mango, Vanilla, Strawberry atbp.

    Good Luck.

    Made on September 21, 2008 @ 4:55 am

  39. andi Says —

    i also like ice cream, double dutch is my favorite…

    be strong, be brave
    don’ let go…

    Made on September 21, 2008 @ 10:29 am

  40. soulsheik Says —

    >>Andi

    I also like Double Dutch Ice cream. Mango is still my favorite.

    I’ll hope against hope that my quivering heart is brave enough …I have let gone my anxieties and fears … But in the end only God can give me the strength.

    Thanks Andi.

    Made on September 21, 2008 @ 12:43 pm

  41. Major Tom Says —

    Like that popular saying or title of the song (by Freddie Mercury’s Queen, “Pain is so close to Pleasure”; and this post seems to affirm that overriding basic truth, that man lives in joy and pain, often both at the same time, and at times, at peak extremes. That is just reality, there is no universality in any single emotion, it is always a cornucopia of things.

    Made on September 23, 2008 @ 9:52 am

  42. noll Says —

    If I can put new hope within the heart
    Of one who has lost hope,
    If I can help a brother up
    Some difficult long slope
    That seems too steep for tired feet to go,
    If I can help him climb
    Into the light upon the hill’s far crest,
    I shall begrudge no time
    Or strength that I spend, for well I know
    How great may be his need.
    If I can help through any darkened hour,
    I shall be glad indeed.

    For I recall how often I have been
    Distressed, distraught, dismayed,
    And hands have reached to help, and voices called
    That kept me unafraid.
    If I can share this help that I have had,
    God knows I shall be glad.

    Made on September 23, 2008 @ 11:11 am

  43. soulsheik Says —

    >>Major Tom

    It is indeed a cornucopia, our emotions, our feelings.

    Love is universal. Love is our grandest feeling, and joy is our highest thought.

    Made on September 27, 2008 @ 1:13 am

  44. soulsheik Says —

    >>Noll

    Esperanza. Spanish word for “Hope” is a state of waiting of something that sooner or later would definitely come. In english it means something which may or may not come.

    These days I would not admit nor deny as to the state of “Hope”in my life.

    I’m alive! I’m unafraid!

    Thanks for the visit. Thanks for the poem (It’s very good).

    Please do swing-by again.

    Hasta La Vista.

    Made on September 27, 2008 @ 1:18 am

  45. noll Says —

    I like your music. Is it your way of expressing your hope?

    Made on September 27, 2008 @ 10:57 am

  46. soulsheik Says —

    >>Noll,

    This has been in my head and my dreams for quite sometime.
    Even before my ears heard it the first time.

    If only I have a balinese-speaking friend, then I would have understood the lyrics.

    For me, it’s my journey home. My eventual rest. My unhealing wound. My twilight overflowing.

    Made on September 28, 2008 @ 8:46 am

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